Then I called Gary Lineker a bad word rhyming with punt and it got suspended. I ran it alone for a while, then he came back on and we ran it together for a bit.

A few months went by and people were still talking about the Godfrey account, so I asked my friend if he would mind me bringing it back and he was fine with it. I was annoyed with him because I don’t think he appreciated just how loved and needed Godfrey was. Then he got bored of it and jacked it in. So how did she get involved with Godfrey Elfwick? ‘My friend was running the account and making me cry laughing every day. Actually, he’s dead isn’t he? But you get the general idea.’ Titania is me, Titania is you, Titania is Fred Dibnah. Who’s to say who Titania really is? In a way, Titania is all of us. I point out to Lisa that even if she isn’t behind Titania, these connections suggest that she must know her true identity.

Jarvis is Titania’s housemate, and they are often seen communicating on Twitter. Moreover, she is believed to be behind another satirical Twitter account, Jarvis DuPont, the uber-privileged embodiment of white guilt. Little wonder, then, that her authorship is widely suspected. She was commissioned to paint the portrait of Titania McGrath which adorns the dust jacket of Woke. In addition to her work as Godfrey Elfwick, under which pseudonym she currently writes for Spectator USA, Lisa is also an accomplished artist. Look, this is the universally acknowledged sign that I am not fucking with you.’ As proof, she emails me a photo of her fingers, which are indeed uncrossed, but suspiciously hairy. Check out my fingers, they’re not crossed. Trickery is the mist I call upon to obfuscate and bedazzle you. How, then, can I be sure that Lisa is being genuine when she says she is not Titania? ‘You can’t. Titania accepted the offer, on the condition that she have full editorial control, did not have to interact with any males, and was permitted 10 minutes airtime to perform her ‘groundbreaking intersectional feminist slam poetry’. Liz Wheeler, the host of Tipping Point on the One America News Network, invited Titania to appear on her show to discuss her activism. Not long before, Private Eye had published a quotation from Titania in ‘Pseuds Corner’ in order to mock her pretentious claim that readers should buy her book not for her sake ‘but for the sake of humanity’, not realising that the character was satirical. Last month, NatWest customer service replied in earnest to Titania’s complaint that it was inciting violence against vegans. Part of the fun of this kind of trolling is the acquisition of ‘scalps’, and there is a very good chance that even now I am being hoaxed.

Jarvis dupont